Intimacy of Harm

I absolutely LOVE being in spaces you hold, and I am SO inspired by you / the work you do / your approach to the world. I attended Intimacy of Harm at the recommendation of a friend when I was at the start of a relationship falling apart and it was transformative for me – even though I could not save that relationship, I carry with me the tools and learnings and the little jingle that everyone is doing the best they can with the tools they have, including myself, and it’s changed all of my other relationships for the better.

I tell everyone how amazing you are and how deeply human the spaces are that you hold. I love coming together with a group of strangers, everyone showing up where they’re at that day, and being and sharing with each other in a soft and curious but also vulnerable way – a space to be seen as much or as little as you want. People come as they are and can be who they are! And as someone who is shy and introverted but very interested in humans and emotions and the ways we relate, I felt safe to open up and be seen in the space, or to just exist in the space if that’s what I needed that day. The flow of the workshops – starting with ice breakers and warm ups that allow time to settle and open up – connections between the personal and political, and acceptance of big emotions and support available is super special.

– Emily Daly, December 2025

wholesome anarchist training

I’d lie if I’d say that it was easy for me, but it cracked me a little bit open again after being quite numb and in “survive and function” mode in daily life. And that’s exactly what I was hoping for. 

Thank you for giving me permission to be and behave exactly how I felt/wanted to. This is SO rare and you did a great job at actually facilitating this. For me, this was, apart from the brilliant content that you shared, extremely healing – and triggering, as in touching on deep seated self beliefs about being wrong, too much, weird, just not fitting whatever I do. 
As an autistic woman with ADD I felt SO seen and welcome.

The topic of care & boundaries, things that other participants shared and experiencing myself in the exercises and saying no to the touch exercises re-started some processes that I’d pushed aside for years, even while living in a community project centered about “authentic communication and heart connection”. I took a few days off this week, which I usually never “allow” myself to do. That felt empowering as well. 

Anyway, I could yap on and on but I really just want to say a heartfelt THANK YOU! I’m looking forward to taking part in future workshops 🙂 

M, October 2024

PLatonic intimacy

I highly highly recommend following carson and Ella for their touch-based consent workshops with invigoratingly intersectional politics very much included.

Our bodies exist with and around other bodies, and so often we are denied even the chance of true consent. We forget we can say no, change our minds, be upset & survive it.

But in workshops like “Platonic Intimacy,” we get the chance to practice expressing and receiving consensual intimacy, and the magic of our relationships bloom in full force.

– TJ (@thejoyofyou.me), January 2024

Queerily ever after

The workshop truly felt like a special place where all can just be who they are. It really felt like a world outside of the gender binary and it felt so safe and so fun. I felt like a curious child the entire time.
 

– Coline, July 2024

intimacy of harm: how to build community
(PLatonic intimacy + intimacy of harm weekend)

I thought the first exercise of pointing/naming things in the room was a brilliant low-key way to break the ice effectively because after that, sharing personal things with strangers felt natural quickly. I liked the balance of ‘plenary chats’, exercises, and breaks, which made both day-long workshop-stretches feel surprisingly integratible. I felt like Ella’s own demonstrating of human needs for breaths, breaks, and movement were a wonderful way of setting a group norm/teaching by example. I appreciated their very well explained thoughts and anecdotes as well as the way the personal-political levels were integrated throughout the weekend. I really appreciate Ella’s vision of how healthy microlevel relating can be a great resource for communally undertaking change! The workshops (Consent + Harm) together felt very nicely complementary. The exercises were effective in their simplicity and felt very well-aligned with the motivation behind the workshop. 

On Sunday I was in a very emotional space and I appreciate the way Ella chose to hold space for this, especially given that they were already doing 200% of their usually shared facilitation work. While I would have loved to attend the workshop while feeling better, the weekend provided a safe experience of ‘failing socially’ within a bubble with a consent ideology (i.e. learning to express, listen to, and trust each others capacity for participation/presence ).

Now that a few days have passed since the workshop I’m noticing I’m feeling more at ease communicating with those already in my community. 

– Thirza, September 2024